So far Akash’s character was the farthest from Sid in terms of maturity. The face-off between Sid and Akash is heart-breaking yet it triggers Akash’s transformation that will be furthered on by Shalini later in the film. The world around us was simply not ready to accept us for who we loved and who we were. Sid and I both had our truths that went against the grain: him falling in love with an older woman and I trying to come out as gay. I saw this scene as a perfect parallel to my attempts to come out to my friends. This was a ‘coming out’ that didn’t go well. The situation escalates quickly and as expected, his friends are unable to see the world as he does. After celebrating Tara’s birthday, an emotional Sid, as if speaking to himself, reveals to Akash and Sameer that he loves Tara. He is aware that his immediate surroundings will not understand him. I also learnt the art of being pragmatic from Sid. I felt she truly understood me and that fuelled my creativity and set me free. We established a strong friendship and we’d write letters to each other in the old-fashioned way. With the film’s scriptrunning in mind, I noticed how my English teacher, in her 40s, spoke about all forms of love – even the forbidden ones. In W.S Maugham’s words, “the love that lasts longest is the love that is never returned” and Tara symbolizes that unrequited love. In our lives too, we have found and lost Tara.
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Sid observes his surroundings, reflects deeply and is naturally full of empathy – all the right ingredients that make a true artist.Īnd for an artist like Sid, Tara is the perfect muse. On their Goa trip, Sid sees Dipa’s one-sided love for Akash heading nowhere and decides to find the right moment to sit next to her and help her “see” things more clearly. When he meets Tara for the first time, he decides to wait and watch, even when she says she doesn’t need any help. We have seen earlier how at the disco Sid is physically present but absorbed in sketching portraits of people on paper napkins. She analyses how Sid’s paintings reflect his inner world that he doesn’t share with anyone, not even with his closest friends. “Aaj maine tumhare baare kuch jaana hai (I’ve learnt something about you),” starts Tara. “Kaunsi baat (Which thing)?” enquires Sid. “Is mein bhi wahi baat (The same thing here too),” observes Tara. And the following set of dialogues confirms that she’s recognized the leitmotif in his paintings and peeked into his soul. As her glance moved from one canvas to another, Sid’s eyes narrowed, trying to gauge what she was discovering about him. Sid’s closet too was waiting to be discovered by Tara (Dimple Kapadia). More on Akshaye Khanna | Akshaye Khanna on his films, sabbaticals, career and more: ‘Who wants to sit at home? I love to be on set’ Oh how torturous these social gatherings can be for a person like him and how liberating is the acceptance of his mother who gives up and ‘let’s him be’! Sid replies, “Ma, main wahan bohot bore hota hoon (I feel very bored there),” to which his mother responds, “Duniya mein bohot kam jagah hai jahan tum bore nahi hote (there are very few places in the world where you don’t get bored).” “Theek hai, matt aao (It’s fine, don’t come),” she adds. In one of Dil Chahta Hai’s scenes, Sid’s mother (played by Suhasini Mulay) reminds Sid to come to Anju’s wedding anniversary. My teachers recognized this talent and encouraged me to diversify the ways of expressing myself – at first through my drawings, then through plays, elocutions, writing and illustrating for the school magazine. Soon enough my art became a tool with which I could negotiate with the world. In terms of temperament too, I didn’t relate to the boys I grew up with. I dabbled in painting, cartooning and telling stories with my drawings. I always found myself immersed in art for as long as I can remember. For me, in the absence of an inclusive space outside, it was a safe haven where I could observe and make sense of the world around me and express myself through my art. For some it is a terrifying place that stifles all forms of freedom. A closet may mean different things to different people. Sid is an artist and his track is an accurate illustration of the ‘misfit’ that I was and the ‘closet’ that I found myself in.
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